One Year Ago Tonight.....

One year ago today we were all together at Aeternitas – a Harry Potter Con run in part by The Group That Shall Not Be Named. One year ago today – my life changed.

At that point, I had recently recovered from the mistaken belief that I had been a Gryffindor. I had been going through a lot of life changes and was clearly confused. By the time we’d left for Aeternitas I had come to fully embrace the green – because by then I knew – I was a Slytherin.

There was still however the nagging problem of Bellatrix. I had been primarily cosplaying her since I’d joined the group. She felt right, but I couldn’t help but fee held back. Everyone else who embraced a character did so with a full and open heart. I didn’t feel a truly deep connection with her, though I tired.

We reached the con. One year ago today - I cosplayed Dobby. I was on a leash and lead around by friends who cosplayed the Malfoys. We all loved it. We laughed and took photos, but I was soon crimped by the fear of the photos of me reaching the Internet. Where I came from, I’d been crucified for far less. (More on that some other time.)

Later that day during a bout of depression in my hotel room brought on by the stupidity of pointless school policies – I came to understand the true nature of serpents. Not the monstrous beings recent cultures have made them out to be. They are healers, they are guardians. Graceful creatures completely in tune with the rhythms of the earth. They share bonds with the ancient mother goddesses of countless cultures.

One year ago tonight, I cosplayed Snape for what was only the second time. It was a weak Cosplay at best, I threw on a shoulder length wore black pants, a shirt and a black coat I wore normally. I already owned his wand, and yet I could not see it…

At that point I had been a Harry Potter fan for nearly a year. At that point I was still in denial over my true feelings for the character of Snape.

One year ago tonight, we all danced together during the Wrock show. The next thing we knew – we were all gathered together to watch Epic Win Burlesque.

The first girl danced to Rosemary Clooney. Hers was the dance of the sorting hat – she was a Slytherin. Another girl danced to Prince’s Kiss – hers was the dance of a Dementor. God Bless my beloved HP friends, they completely missed the joke – most of them aren’t as enamored with music as I am.

And then it happened. A girl portrayed Fawkes the Phoenix. Her music was Radiohead. I died. This was not just any Radiohead song – it was a song from OK Computer – it was “Climbing Up The Walls.” I was dying.

Finally the last set. Snape, and yes Harry. The song that played was so evocative and so fitting. Everyone was screaming – tears the emotion was so tangible, in a room full of women who were so free with their sexuality – people who were so free in all that they did when I had been repressed by my past.

After the performance, I ran back to my hotel room to freak out. I’d also been in love with, and suffering the effects of listing to the devastatingly beautiful Smashing Pumpkins record Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. And yes, even though I was 15 when it was first released, I only listened to it for the first time last year. I opened the liner note after having seen a girl take off her clothes to climbing up the walls – after watching Snape and Harry a relationship that mirrored another I had been denying, I randomly opened the page to “Love.” The line I randomly read was, “Its what you needed to see.”

It was. As we drove home together, dreading the return to a world full of Muggles after having been in a place where we’d been supportive – I finally accepted it. I was not Bellatrix, - I was Snape, and I always had been. I began planning my costumes. I was consumed by the desire to write the story of his teenage years. With the help of a dear friend I tracked down the song that had played during the burlesque show – I had to know what it was – I was already in love.

“Come Here Boy,” by Imogen Heap. I downloaded nearly all of her songs, and put together a play list of Radiohead, Imogen Heap and a few other artists and began to write. I thought it would be a short two-week thing - just write his teenage years and be done with it. I am currently still writing – and will continue writing, cosplaying Snape and spending as much time with my HP family as I can. Because Aeternitas, TGTSNBN and The Epic Win Burlesque Show changed the way I look at life. And that is why, when I write and draw fan art, by name is Thom Heap.